Concealment

Might sound nuts na... The other night, I was pacing back and forth in my room (as if murag dako pud akng kwarto..haha!). Can’t help but to think about my what-the-heck xBFs. Though I didn’t bother to count them 'cause it irritates me, and keep hating myself about those decisions I had made in the past. However, the feeling of being dumped (yes, gayud! nafeel na jud nako na, sa wakas!) and be the one to dumped them were the ones occupying my bird brain. gRRR!! Wa na gani'y sulod akng utok, kana pa jud ang cgeg balik2... WTH!!! It's difficult to look back at a broken relationship and suddenly feel that he wasn’t the person I supposed to be with. Argg! Is being in a relationship with someone has to be that difficult? I invested my time and emotions just ended up wasted. For me, love is something that only comes around once in a loooong while. When I found it, I am willing to do whatever I can to hold onto it forever. But it seems like I’m losing grip every time I hold on to “them” too much…irony! I’m tired, oh so tired of changing my status in FB, FS and changing from one to uhmm… you know. Not just that, tired of giving my heart to someone whose not even worthy to have it. “I know I wasn’t thinking before that’s why I always ended up with MR. WRONG”.

My CI told me to rest my heart for a year or so, well I did for about 4 months and then found a guy whom I thought would change everything, including my world. ‘Twas a “perfect love story” as quoted by my classmate, kasi nga 4 years niya daw akong hinintay... whatever! However, our relationship lasted for 3 months. WOW! Perfect jud noh? Sequentially, after our break up I met another guy and courted me (tendrengdeng!!! Pamati!) Well, ana si Phil: hoi, respituha ang 3 months rule! The what??? The 3 months rule, after the break up, must wait for 3 months for me to flirt, to entertain or to date (etc) another guy. Aw? Mao vah?hahaha… dunno about those stuff uie! But then again, I did follow the 3 months rule. And so I had another bf, but it wasn’t a serious relationship. Then after a month, we broke up knowing that we don’t really love each other pala. Heck Mitch?! Collecting boys is not your game! Sad to say, he’s my 10th bf. Sigh… sigh… sigh… Right now, I’m scared of falling in love. Em scared of the word L-O-V-E. I’ve learned a lot from my past and I don’t want to make another mistake. I want to take this seriously, still hoping to find LOVE once again, not now but in His time. Though waiting might not be that easy but it sure is worthy!

From the song “I’m not missing u” by Stacie orrico. In fairness, nice pud iyang mga kanta…

""Its a shame in a way cause
I feel that I may not ever find the right one for me
Did I leave him, is he right in front of my face oh
Will my true love ever be?
Why would I go on a search again
When I know what the end will be
What good is love when it keeps on hurting me?
No I can't be with you
Cause I'm scared felt like I was falling when you left me
I can't keep going through life
Unaware of what I missed
And the person I could be
Love's good when its right
And when it's left in your memory
All the times I let you down
I guess love will be nice for someone and that’s life.""